Performative Presence in Masculine-Feminine Polarity

Often times, I see when men are new to spirituality, and conscious intimacy, and learn about polarity and the importance of presence when relating to the feminine, that they fall into performative presence, because they haven't been initiated well into what true presence really is.

I see this visibly happening. A good place to observe this is at neo-tantra festivals and workshops.

The men sitting motionless in front of the women, because they picked up the idea that the masculine is supposed to be a rock. They might have even been taught to be a rock.

Stiffened up, they intensely look at her, without much prior meditation experience.

Other places where this behavior can be observed is in circles of satsangs and nonduality. Also here, with the example of a guru, men try to mimic the still gaze, the pause between words, the quiet posture.

This is not what presence is about.

I call this performative presence.

While presence can look like deep quietude and rock-like stillness, it is a very limited view of what presence truly is.

Presence doesn’t depend on motionlessness.

Presence is not something you do just do now.

You can’t fake it.

True and powerful presence - one that can be felt by the feminine and will move things in her - naturally comes from an accumulation of practice, over a longer period of time.

You might be moving, speaking, laughing, expressing aliveness, and be anything but still on the surface. It doesn’t matter.

What is important is what is underneath the surface; it is how deeply you know yourself and are able to feel yourself. In general, and in this moment.

It is a question of how deeply your presence has penetrated into your own mind, to uproot the impurities - and therefore how trustworthy you are.

That kind of penetrative consciousness, that cannot be faked, is the subtle vibration the feminine picks up on, that will show her that you are trustworthy, deep, and that will make her feel seen and safe around you.

That is what she requires to be able to truly open up to you.

So if you want to embody Shiva in the polarity, make presence your constant practice.

Not just when you meet her.

24/7.

Be present with yourself. Your thoughts. Your motives behind your actions, moment to moment.

Uncover why you do what you do and why you say what you say.

Be present with your own inner Shakti, and feel her.

Start the day in meditation to prime this witnessing state for the rest of the day.

Be compassionate but diligent, to expose your patterns and to transform them, step by step, day by day.

If you are able to create deep inner coherence, you will notice that the feminine will start to invite you naturally.

Keep doing your sadhana sincerely every day, and all will come to you.

Even when you miss a day of meditation, or slip for a moment in total concentration, the deeper presence that has been established within you will be still radiating out of you.

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PS: Wherever I mentioned masculine or feminine, Shiva or Shakti, it can apply to the inner world of both men and women.

#yogicintimacy