What Are You Trying to Transcend?

Personally, I started my spiritual seeking because I got fascinated with the idea of enlightenment and transcendence.

I was in such a vulnerable state at the time when I started seeking, with so much trauma to still heal, so much daily suffering.

And so when I first heard of the possibility to transcend my pain and go beyond the human condition, it quickly became my obsession.

I longed for the idea of invulnerability. Of ease. Of simply being happy.

To never feel hurt again, never feel insecure again, never feel depressed again.

To live on an endless high, for the rest of my life.

And so I practiced hard. Traveled far. Studied scriptures. Visited all the gurus I could find. Paid top dollar to coaches. Meditated. Communed with nature. Went in retreat.

When I wasn’t traveling, my life was filled with online courses, books and Dhamma talks.

A decade later of serious practice, I can now assess where all of that brought me.

Well, my imaginations were for a large part fairytales.

I never found my one special guru, I did not escape the challenges of human life, and I did not become a half-god.

I did find bliss. Grounding. A release of huge amounts of old suffering. Discernment and clarity. And transcendental experiences that went beyond anything I could have imagined.

And I realized that endless ease is not my goal.

My goal is to be here. Present with what is, beyond mental stories. With reality. Rooted in my heart.

Which means to be fully human.

To be rawly exposed to all that comes with it, the ups and downs, the challenges.

It means that I full-heartedly take risks to go for what I want.

That I eat my plate without complaining when life doesn’t go according to plan, and that I trust the lessons.

That I go for the truth, not for what I want to believe.

That I allow myself to fall madly in love, and to let my heart be broken to pieces if it has to.

That I really try to do good, without shaming myself for even a second for being imperfect.

My biggest achievement is not invulnerability, but that I can cry again.

Not that I have no more desires, but that I learned to embrace my heart’s longings for connection, love, community, safety, health.

Not that I have no more ego, but that I brought it into the light of my awareness.

Not that I’ve transcended up into the sky.

But that I landed more fully into my body and this human life.

Unless one wants to become a monk or renunciate, the true journey of a spiritual seeker in the world is not to escape into the bliss of consciousness, but to learn to discern between ego and heart - and then to live from the heart. It will make life a profound adventure.