Personal words

​

My journey began with a difficult childhood. Losing my mother at an early age, being bullied, and leaving my parental home at 15 to live with a friend’s family left me traumatized, confused, and searching for a way out of my suffering—though I looked in all the wrong places at first.

​

At age 12, I started smoking weed, and by 18, I entered my wildest years, discovering the techno rave scene in Amsterdam. I used substances to escape my struggles at weekend-long techno parties and festivals or during endless nights of drinking in the hospitality/nightlife industry which I worked in.

 

Eventually, I realized my problems were only getting worse. I got more anxious, more depressed, and had constant suicidal thoughts. I felt with my back against the wall, and didn't know where to look.

​

In some way, a first spiritual awakening happened on MDMA and XTC on the techno dance floor, which opened doors in my heart that I before didn't experience so open. It was quite a revelation to become aware of the vast amount of love I was able to feel.

 

But the true turning point came in 2015 when I stumbled upon a YouTube video on Buddhism and meditation by Koi Fresco (now Vishudda Das).

​

The Youtube thumbnail showed not an old monk in robes, but a trendy, tattooed young man from L.A. talking about meditation, which is how it sparked my curiosity.

 

As I started watching the video and he spoke about Buddhist monks using techniques to go inside their minds to resolve suffering, something clicked. I felt like I had found the answer I had been searching for.

​

A few months later, I booked a one-way flight to Thailand and after some traveling through SE-Asia, I found myself finally meditating in a traditional Thai monastery under the guidance of a local monk and the strict schedule and discipline of monastic Buddhist life.

​

The first four days, nothing happened, and I struggled to sit for so many hours. When I was close to giving up and dropped my expectations, on day four, something happened. Sitting in front of the big Buddha in the meditation hall, I suddenly heard the jungle sounds, felt my body relax, and started to feel at peace for no reason. It was a perfectly mundane moment and, at the same time, the most powerful experience of my life. The peace stayed with me but faded after some weeks.

​

I had a temporary relapse into my old life in Amsterdam afterwards, after which I left again with a one-way flight, this time, with no plan to return.

 

Ever since, I have traveled and lived around the world, seeking a deepening of what I had tasted. This led me to spend time and study with countless teachers, monks, monasteries, and schools from various traditions: Yoga, Neo Tantra, Classical Tantra, Neo Advaita, Classical Advaita Vedanta, Tibetan Buddhism and Dzogchen, mystery schools, coaching modalities, Jungian psychology, men's work, shamanism, sacred sexuality, qigong, Ayurveda, plant medicine, pranayama/breathwork, energy work, reiki, satsangs, and coaches—I've tried everything I could find, went to every guru, tried every technique, every variety of disciplines.

​

Out of all these modalities, the essence of my journey has been meditation, yoga, silent retreats, personal practice, renunciation, and withdrawal from the world. Some of these years were in India, Australia, and since 2020, Portugal. I started a process of deep purging and cleansing on all levels of my being which is an ever on-going process.

​

Over time, because people told me to share my gifts, and out of a sense of calling, I've started to explore my own abilities in transmitting spiritual work through social media, coaching, meditation, yoga, retreats, and bodywork. As I received feedback of deep transformation in those I worked with, I proceeded. Since 2021, this has been my full-time occupation, and I dedicate every day of my life to this.

​

Teachers

​

I am not part of any official lineage. Nor have I ever had a classical master-disciple relationship that went on for years. I did have the blessing to spent a significant amount of my time however with a wide variety of teachers from a variety of Eastern traditions. Many of my most important teachers lead back to the unofficial lineage of Ramana Maharshi, a teacher who isn't alive anymore. His picture stands alone on my altar.

​

As there have been so many beautiful teachers in my life, I won't list them all. These are some people that made some of the most significant impact on my work and journey: Mooji, Adyashanti, Swami Atmananda Udasin from Ajatananda Ashram in Rishikesh, Michaël Bijker (qi-gong and pranayama), Surinder Singh (Hatha Yoga) from Swasti Yoga in Rishikesh, Lama Lena (Dzogchen & Mahamudra), Christopher 'Hareesh' Wallis (Classical Tantra), Ganga Mira (Disciple of papaji-Ramana Maharshi), and Ty Landrum (Ashtanga-Vinyasa Yoga).

​

I have also spend a significant amount of my time with the Vipassana school of S.N. Goenka, which trained me in intense Vipassana meditation, which was a powerful journey but a phase that clearly ended for me in 2022.

​

As well as Awaken as Love, where I have been trained as a facilitator of the mystery school trainings and tantra festivals, where I am part of the faculty.​

​

And mother India and her teachings, and deities. A place I deeply love, with traditions I deeply love, which has been a significant part of my growth and to which I return yearly if possible.

​

-

​

These days, I am half-based in Portugal and half-nomadic, sharing silent retreats, 1:1 mentorships, weekly Sunday live meditations, and various courses and retreats with different organizations listed on the homepage of my website.

​

Thank you for being here.