PERSONAL WORDS

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My journey began with a difficult childhood. Losing my mother at an early age, being bullied, and leaving my parental home at 15 left me traumatized, sad and confused. I suffered a lot and searched for a way out of my suffering—first looking in all the wrong places.

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In my early teens I started smoking weed, and smoked a pack of cigarettes a day, and at 18, I entered my wildest years, discovering the techno rave scene in Amsterdam. I used cocktails of substances at weekend-long techno raves, warehouses and festivals. If I wasn't partying I was spending endless nights getting drunk with my colleagues in restaurant and nightlife industry.

 

Where partying at first seemed like the solution, a hedonistic secret society where I could be temporarily somewhat 'free', I noticed my problems were only getting worse.

 

I got more anxious, more depressed, and even had growing suicidal thoughts. I felt with my back against the wall, and didn't know where to go. Deep down I felt that there had to be more to life, that this couldn't be it.​

 

The turning point came in 2015 when I stumbled upon a YouTube video on Buddhism and meditation by Koi Fresco (now Vishudda Das).

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The Youtube thumbnail showed not an old monk in robes, which would have probably kept me scrolling and uninterested. Instead, it showed a trendy, tattooed young man from L.A. talking about meditation, which is how it sparked my curiosity, as I could relate to him.

 

As I started watching the video and he spoke about Buddhist monks using techniques to go inside their minds to resolve suffering, it made immediate sense to me. I felt like I had found the answer I had been searching for.

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A few months later, I booked a one-way flight to Thailand and after some months traveling through SE-Asia, I found myself finally meditating in a traditional Thai monastery under the guidance of a local monk and the strict schedule and discipline of monastic Buddhist life.

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The first four days, nothing happened, and I struggled and struggled. I had no clue what I was doing. I was tempted to leave so I could smoke a cigarette again.

 

When I was close to giving up and dropped my expectations, on day four, something happened. Sitting in front of the big Buddha in the meditation hall, I suddenly heard the jungle sounds, felt my body relax, and started to feel at peace for no reason. It was a perfectly mundane moment and, at the same time, one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Causeless joy.

 

The feeling stayed with me but faded after some days and weeks.

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I had a temporary relapse into my old life in Amsterdam afterwards, partying harder than ever before, after which I left again with a one-way flight to the East. This time, with no plan to return.

 

Ever since, I have traveled and lived around the world, seeking healing and a deepening of what I had tasted. This led me to spend time and study with countless teachers, monks, monasteries, and schools from various traditions: Yoga, Neo Tantra, Classical Tantra, Neo Advaita, Classical Advaita Vedanta, Tibetan Buddhism and Dzogchen, mystery schools, Jungian psychology, men's work, shamanism, sacred sexuality, qigong, Ayurveda, plant medicine, pranayama/breathwork, energy work, reiki, satsangs, and coaches—I've tried everything I could find, went to every guru I could find, tried every technique I came across, every variety of disciplines I could get why hands on.

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Out of all these modalities, the essence of my journey has been meditation, yoga, silent retreats, solitude, renunciation, and personal practice. 

 

Some of these years were in India, Australia, and since 2020, Portugal. I started an intense process of deep purging and cleansing and self exposure, on all levels of my being, which is an ever on-going process.

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Teachers

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I am not part of any official lineage. Nor have I ever had a classical guru-disciple relationship. I did have the blessing to spent a significant amount of my time however with a wide variety of teachers. Sometimes in community, sometimes becoming friends. 

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As there have been so many beautiful teachers in my life, I won't list them all. These are some people that made some of the most significant impact on my work and journey: Mooji, Adyashanti, Swami Atmananda Udasin from Ajatananda Ashram in Rishikesh, Michaël Bijker (qi-gong and pranayama), Surinder Singh (Hatha Yoga) from Swasti Yoga in Rishikesh, Lama Lena (Dzogchen & Mahamudra), Christopher 'Hareesh' Wallis (Classical Tantra), Ganga Mira (Disciple of papaji-Ramana Maharshi), and Ty Landrum (Black Lotus Yoga).

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I have also spend a significant amount of my time with the Vipassana school of S.N. Goenka, which trained me in intense Vipassana meditation, which was a powerful journey but a phase that clearly ended for me in 2022.

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As well as Awaken as Love, where I have been trained as a facilitator of the mystery school trainings and tantra festivals, where I am part of the faculty.​

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And mother India and her teachings. A place I deeply love, with traditions I deeply love, which has been a significant part of my growth and to which I return yearly if possible.

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These days, I am half-based in Portugal and half-nomadic, sharing silent retreats, 1:1 mentorships, a Meditation Teacher Training, weekly Sunday live meditations, and various courses and retreats with different organizations listed on the homepage of my website. If you are interested to explore any of these I am very happy to welcome you.