When the ego doesn’t like an emotional state it finds itself in, it will move into a state of resistance. Instead of simply experiencing the emotion, it will bring up strategies to avoid the experience of the unwanted emotion.
It will project and blame people and things;
It will try to think its way out of it;
Or it will try to create perfect circumstances so that its hurt won’t be triggered again.
Here is the key (and the paradox):
The end of suffering is not in getting rid of suffering, the end of suffering is in the allowance of suffering. It is the allowance that dissolves it.
How to do it
Next time you notice yourself getting lost in emotional suffering and resistance, blame, avoidance, etc., try this meditation:
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Lose all interest in the story of what causes you to feel a certain emotion. Don’t give it any attention. Don't even try to accept it.
Instead, move all your attention towards the experience of the emotion in your body.
The tightness in your chest; the tension in your face; whatever you can perceive; Give it your undivided attention.
Concentrate on it. Don’t analyze, describe, or put labels on it. Bring the attention of the mind back to the sensations in the body when it does.
Simply become okay with the real experience of the present moment, no matter its intensity. Just notice it.
Be even okay with resistance itself. Notice that too; let thoughts of resistance come and go. This is an exercise of noticing, not changing anything.
You will find that what you were resisting was not that unpleasant at all. Intense maybe, but not unpleasant.
By removing the layer of resistance of the mind, you became one again with reality, experience reality again as it is, and you move beyond suffering.
Emotions are safe to be felt, and this exercise will prove it.