Postured Presence vs. Authentic Presence

Often times, I see that when people are new to conscious intimacy, and learn about masculine-feminine polarity and the importance of presence when relating to the feminine, that they fall into what I call 'postured presence'.

This happens when the masculine hasn't been taught and initiated well into what true presence really is, and hasn't had any significant meditation training.

This postured presence is something I see visibly happening.

A good place to observe this is in tantra spaces and workshops, where there is actively being worked with masculine-feminine polarity.

I see men sitting motionless in front of women, with no emotional expression, because they picked up the idea that the masculine is supposed to be still like a rock.

They might have even been modelled by a mentor or facilitator that presence looks like this.

Stiffened up, they are practicing to be present with her.

Inside, they are not really present, because they are busy with how it looks, they are trying to be something, they are not really feeling or seeing her.

This has little to do with presence and real polarity.

If presence has not been something that the masculine has been developing within themselves before the exercise began, there is no real attunement, no real potency, and so the presence won't be healing or inspiring for her feminine energy in a palpable way.

I call this postured presence.

This is not to say that postured presence means that one is intentionally faking something, or is being phony.

The attempts are often truly genuine.

It is also not to say that presence does not look like deep quietude and rock-like stillness - it often does. But it is a very limited view of what presence truly is.

True, authentic presence doesn’t depend on motionlessness or posture.

It is not something you can just activate instantly.

You can’t fake it.

True and powerful presence - one that can be felt by the feminine and that will move things in her - comes from an accumulation of practice and training, over a longer period of time.

It is what accumulates in those who continously come back to themselves, their body and their breath, the silence within, in all kinds of circumstances.

It is for those that can see this reality beyond genders.

When presence is awakened in you, you might be moving, speaking, laughing, expressing aliveness, and be anything but still on the surface. It doesn’t matter.

What is important is what is underneath the surface; the frequency, the subtle.

It is question of awareness; of being able to feel what is happening without mental distortion, in the midst of chaos and stillness.

In your life in general, and in this specific now-moment.

This cannot be acquired instantly.

This is a matter of how deeply your presence has been penetrating into your own mind, and body, over longer periods of time. How much you know yourself, how much you've been uprooting your own blind-spots and immaturity, how much you respect and love yourself. And therefore how trustworthy you are.

That kind of penetrative consciousness, that cannot be faked, is the subtle vibration the feminine picks up on, that will show her that you are trustworthy, deep, and that will make her feel seen and safe around you.

That kind of presence is what she requires to be able to trust you and truly open up to you and reveal to you her gifts.

This is not a more sophisticated, spiritualized pick-up artist trick.

A person who is powerfully in touch with their feminine energy will immediately see through it when the masculine is using this for his own gain.

This is about more then just finding a partner, or becoming a better lover. This is about devoting to the divine feminine everywhere. The divine feminine being everything that can be perceived with the senses.

So that her cosmic energy can fully bloom open in an individual, when she is met by a consciousness that is honoring the divine feminine as a way of living.

So if you want to embody the divine masculine, and meet the divine feminine in her fullest expression, make presence your constant practice.

Not just when you meet her.

24/7.

Be present with yourself. Your thoughts. Your motives behind your actions, moment to moment.

Uncover why you do what you do and why you say what you say.

Be present with your own feminine, and feel her inside yourself. Feel the sensations in your body, your emotions, the blockages, and the pleasure.

Start the day in meditation to prime this witnessing state for the rest of the day.

Be compassionate but diligent in your practice.

Use your presence to expose your shadowy patterns, to transform them, compassionately, step by step, day by day.

If you are able to create deep inner coherence, you will notice that the feminine will start to invite you naturally.

She will feel it. And she will want to be with you.

Keep doing your sadhana sincerely every day, and all will come to you.

Even when you miss a day of meditation, or slip for a moment in total presence now, don't worry. It is not what this is about.

The deeper presence that you accumulate, your heart, clean conscience, and trustworthiness, is much more important.