Postured Presence vs. Authentic Presence

Often times, I see when men are new to conscious intimacy and neo-tantra, and learn about polarity and the importance of presence when relating to the feminine, that they fall into postured presence, because they haven't been taught and initiated well into what true presence really is.

I see this visibly happening.

A good place to observe this is in tantra spaces and workshops.

The men sitting in a meditation seat motionless in front of the women, because they picked up the idea that the masculine is supposed to be still like a rock.

They might have even been modelled by a mentor or facilitator that presence looks like this.

Stiffened up, they try to hold space for the feminine.

Inside, there is little presence or attunement happening.

They are not seeing her. They are busy with themselves.

This is not what presence is about.

I call this postured presence.

This is not to say that they are intentionally faking it.

The attempts are usually truly genuine.

It is also not to say that presence does not look like deep quietude and rock-like stillness - although that is a very limited view of what presence truly is.

True, authentic presence doesn’t depend on motionlessness.

It is not something you can just activate instantly.

You can’t fake it.

True and powerful presence - one that can be felt by feminine energy and that will move things in her - comes from an accumulation of presence practice, over a longer period of time.

When presence is established in you, you might be moving, speaking, laughing, expressing aliveness, and be anything but still on the surface. It doesn’t matter.

What is important is what is underneath the surface; the frequency, the subtle.

It is a matter of how deeply you are able to feel and attune to yourself.

In your life in general, and in this specific now-moment.

It is a question of how deeply your presence has penetrated into your own mind, and how much you know yourself, how much you've been uprooting your own blind-spots. And therefore how trustworthy you are.

That kind of penetrative consciousness, that cannot be faked, is the subtle vibration the feminine picks up on, that will show her that you are trustworthy, deep, and that will make her feel seen and safe around you.

That kind of presence is what she requires to be able to truly open up to you.

So if you want to embody Shiva in the polarity, make presence your constant practice.

Not just when you meet her.

24/7.

Be present with yourself. Your thoughts. Your motives behind your actions, moment to moment.

Uncover why you do what you do and why you say what you say.

Be present with your own inner Shakti, and feel her inside yourself. Feel the sensations in your body, your emotions, the blockages, and the pleasure.

Start the day in meditation to prime this witnessing state for the rest of the day.

Be compassionate but diligent in your practice.

Use your presence to expose your shadowy patterns, to transform them, step by step, day by day.

If you are able to create deep inner coherence, you will notice that the feminine will start to invite you naturally.

She will feel it. And she will want to be with you.

Keep doing your sadhana sincerely every day, and all will come to you.

Even when you miss a day of meditation, or slip for a moment in total presence now, don't worry.

The deeper presence that you accumulate over-time is much more important.