There was a time where I would share lengthy vulnerable posts on the processes I was going through. It was like a trend in the social media world of self help and spirituality and coaching. Horrible I would often feel after.
It was said by popular public speakers on vulnerability that: ‘If you don’t feel a vulnerability hang-over, like you want to hide under a stone after what you shared in your public talk/social media post; you weren’t vulnerable enough’.
Where these words were deeply inspiring to me before, I now see them as deeply unhealthy, and leading people to harm themselves.
I still believe that it indeed is very important to be vulnerable. That is healing, that it creates connection, that it helps us to uproot our deepest shames and parts we want to hide - that it is absolutely necessary to liberate ourselves fully.
But in the online space, where people are scrolling - often in their greatest moments of disconnect and judgment, between tiktoks, ads, after a busy day - not so much.
This kind of healing, of seeing and being seen, of exposing our wounds and secrets, is to be done with presence and safety. Where the response can be expected to be mostly safe and healing while we are still in the process - where it is not more unconsciousness and opinions of every colleague, person we’ve been to primary school with, or random @__124kkwjgd account on Instagram.
Vulnerability is to be done in sacred containers with beautiful groups around a fire, in a sharing circle and a talking stick with shamanic energy, with a great coach or healer, or with trusted friends and loved ones. Not with anything and everyone in whatever mind space.
Privacy, and having parts that you keep for yourself, does not inherently mean that you are unspiritual, or that your ego is hiding.
Your discernment in who you share your most intimate stories and feelings with, your choice for safety for your inner child, are spiritual skills, signs of wisdom -
And much more sacred than to shout every latest trauma response from the roofs.
…At least, that is my two cents.